Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
