We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
