I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
