forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
