so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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