If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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