my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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