you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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