come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
