i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
