oh god the rape fog is back!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
