i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
