Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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