We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He passed out mid-signature
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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