My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
