theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
