drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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