i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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