I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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