I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
