That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
