end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
