why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
