I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
