My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
