i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
