Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
did i walk over a car last night?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
