I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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