i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
