so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
