..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
