i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
