Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
