I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
