If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
