I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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