i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
