oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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