What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
