the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
