I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
