i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
