Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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