There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
