So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
