Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sorry about my life...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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