my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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