After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
