well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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