***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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