you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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