so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
